Here is my coaching client Siobhan explaining how traumatic imprints from childhood informed her perceptions, beliefs, feelings and thoughts, behaviours, which embedded into her nervous system, limbic system, biochemistry and gene expression, and hardwired into her neural matrix. She lived in chronic cycles of survival her whole life, which we have been actively rewiring the past year. She is actively rewiring her nervous system through the portal of the vagus nerve, and assisting her body in discharging the energy behind tbe imprint to dismantle the neural firing that has been playing through a synapsis her whole life

Her personal memoir….

“I felt to share this part of my journey and whilst it is extremely vulnerable, it is beautiful, as its a part of my healing, here I am doing some rewiring of subconscious beliefs, as I have a subconscious belief around me buying my new car and learning to drive.

Yesterday I journalled on the subconscious belief, the belief itself, the trigger, the behaviour patterns, the internal sensations, the feelings and the emotions, as well as thought patterns.

I then followed this through by going into the body, by activating the vagus nerve which is why l’m massaging myself in the video and recalling the moment I’m which this subconscious belief stemmed from.

I then had an ah ha moment, yes I had a bad experience with my previous driving instructor which affrimed to me i am not safe in a car, but then the root cause of it was as a child my dad was an alcoholic and drank drove home from the pub with me in the car, which resulted in me to be in a stressed state. – fight or flight mode – always waiting for something bad to happen.

This wave of sadness just washed over me, when I recalled these images of me as a little girl, feeling so scared in a the car, associated with the lack of control I had whilst my dad not only put, his own life at risk but also mine and other drivers, with this also came a sense of rejection as when he took this risk on a regular basis, it affirmed to me that I wasn’t loved and didn’t matter as it was a risk he was willing to take.

As you can see in the video (which I sped up) I am having a somatic release (shaking) this is the energy releasing from the body that is associated with the traumatic experience. There is still energy around the experience that I will continue to work on releasing.

This is the price you pay for peace, by going back to the deepest wounds, and ripping off the plaster in order to heal. I cant find the words to explain how painful it is to go back to memories like this when it’s so deep rooted, but by feeling it, you heal it, and that’s the very thing that you will set you free….

….The past week or so I’ve been so triggered – based on my inability to understand how to carry out certain tasks.

The belief came up that – I am a failure and I’m not smart enough. In primary school and secondary school I always struggled with Maths. I was then given resource to help me along and in turn that brought with it shame, I felt as if I was being singled out because I wasn’t smart enough and it made me doubt my own abilities so much!

I struggle to carry out tasks that are new to me and I haven’t done before and that triggers me, I start judging myself and my own abilites – so instead of getting frustrated at myself for not being able to understand straight away I am teaching my inner child to realise that it’s okay to not understand or take as much time as I need to learn new things and it’s okay to ask for support even when I do feel the shame rising for doing so.

If im not able to understand something – it’s okay to ask for help and use my voice to express how I feel, even if it makes other feels uncomfortable or it means I stand alone.

I worked through reframing my experiences in the past that made me feel inadequate or like I was a failure and reassuring myself through affirmations that I can do hard things, and it’s okay to ask for help.

Had a big release, crying, lots of somatic releasing and shaking – discharging the energy behind these beliefs and experiences.

Healing trauma is so hard at times but when you see progress it is so liberating, watching yourself react to things differently than you previously would have”.

…..”Finding safety within 

Ever since I was a little girl, my dad was an alcoholic, I used go to the pub with him to make sure he would come home, one day he forgot me in the pub.

I still remember looking for him only to realise he had left me in a pub full of drunk men. This then confirmed to me that I wasn’t safe to be around alcohol.

7 years ago lost my father due to an assault where alcohol was involved, again this was a massive trauma that also confirmed to me, that it wasn’t it wasn’t safe for me or others I love to be around alcohol.

Everytime I would enter a pub or be around alcohol, my heart rate would increase, I would feel sick, I would be shaking from head to toe, waiting for the worst to happen.

Since I started working on myself with the guidance of Danielle I can now comfortably sit in a pub surrounded by people drinking because I am after finding my safety within myself, and I know I have the tools to use should I feel triggered.

I cant even put into words how life changing this has been for me. I don’t go out often but when I do go out, I feel at ease, I feel I can enjoy myself, instead of shaking from head to toe with anxiety, because I now feel so safe within myself that anything external doesn’t have such an impact anymore”…

“Express, supress, or depress – you get to choose.

The past few weeks a lot of self limiting beliefs around not being worthy, or good enough has started to come to the surface. I took the opportunity to get down into the body to see what it was holding onto.

When I started to recall the imprints of where these stories came from it led me back to primary school. I was always last to be picked for games, and sometimes wouldn’t be picked at all. This led me to believe that I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, I’m a burden because someone felt like they had to choose me. It affirmed to me I was only a “last resort”

As I went into the body the emotions started to pour out of me, the rejection, the anger that I had suppressed it this long, the sadness, but welcomed it all.

I started to rewire in a new belief pattern, affirming to myself that I am worthy, I am loved, I matter, I am safe to express myself regardless of how others percieve it.

I am grateful life unfolded the way it did, because had it not I wouldn’t be here healing, and sharing my own story.

You may be wondering why I share my journey is because I believe people can connect better through experiences, in my own personal journey that is how I made connection with Danielle because I had seen she had been through her own journey and had her own experiences which she went through and so I could relate to her story. 

Don’t tell people how you did it, show them”

Siobhan Lehane, Cork, Ireland