The Shadow Self refers to all parts of self that we deny, hide or reject. Jung describes the shadow as the hidden part of our human psyche, while our persona is the part of self that we show to the outer world. This refers to the ‘mask’ that is intended to hide our perceived flaws and imperfections. 

According to Jung’s theory, everything that is unconscious is part of the shadow self, as it is the unknown part of ourselves, which we are afraid to face. As it’s hidden in unconscious patterns, it remains a part of us and expresses itself in our personality. This personality then shapes our personal reality (as Dr Joe Dispenza talks about), including how our nervous system responds, how we interact in the world and engage / connect with other people. The shadow includes both ‘negative’ AND ‘positive’ aspects of our personality. The things we adore or admire in others in truth, is unlived and unignited potential within us and also thus then, is also part of our shadow and limiting potential. The shadow comprises our unresolved conflicts and problems, un-lived desires and passions, as well as denied needs and wishes.

There are many ways the Shadow Self expresses itself in our day to day realty. For instance, it can appear as:

• Jealousy, criticism and judgement of self and others – anything you find annoying in others, that you judge and reject points to YOUR shadow self.. it is like a mirror!
• Addiction to stimulation (coffee, sugar, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, phone scrolling)
• Depression and lowness
• Anxiety and Panic
• Codependency
• Relationship issues, usually engaging in dramatic or chaotic connections, trauma bonding and unhealthy attachments (anxious-push / avoidant-pull attachment styles)
• Creating or being part of a lot of drama
• Self-sabotage and self destructive behaviours
• Power struggles
• Lying / fear to tell the truth -unable to take ownership for self and your life’s circumstances
• Procrastination / putting things off until the last minute
• Perfectionism
• Resentment
• Passive-aggressiveness
• Bitterness
• Aggression, anger and rage
• Violent behaviours
• Engaging in abuse, be it the giver or receiver
• Victimisation aka playing the victim or ‘poor me’ all the time
• Overly empathetic, almost to the point of complete selflessness (which is NOT healthy)
• Poor boundaries, usually immersed in enmeshed dynamics
• Guilt and shame
• Reactive, easily triggered and explosive
• Discontentment, never feeling pleased or joy or fulfilled
• Lack of self-confidence
• Fear to speak up
• Avoiding difficult conversations as a means to ‘keep the peace’, fawn responses usually
• Blaming external circumstances for your behaviours, when in fact the external world responds to YOU
• Fears around putting yourself out there e.g. going to a new job or promotion, afraid to be seen
• Not doing what you know you really want to do, knowing deeply in your gut it is and will be good for you i.e. the HEAD is ruling and you are DISCONNECTED from intuition and your feeling space
• Money and success issues, maybe finding yourself judging others who are successful

Your shadow will control your life, and you will call it ‘fate’. It will keep presenting itself to you with uncomfortable, painful opportunities. The nervous system is SCREAMING at you to heal, process and integrate. We cannot heal what we do not see or feel – and so it will keep causing major life challenges.

This is why Danielle created her 12 month guided psychosomatic healing programme, as unravelling and integrating the Shadow Self can be a tedious and messy process to undergo. It’s important to be held by a facilitator who has personally undergone the journey.

The Firefly Method® incorporates and employs various steps of Carl Jung’s Spiritual Psychology for helping clients to unravel the programmed self. As we safely enable this, using careful titration procedures, the client is able to process and integrate lost parts of Self and Psyche. We are always connecting Psycho Dynamics with Somatic Processing, bridging the gap between psycho and somatic processing with the aim to create brain-body coherence.

Listed below are some of the steps we take in our guided psychosomatic healing programme:

1) Acknowledging the “Shadow”

Recognising the shadowed programmes within self is the first step to awakening. First we must recognise the aspects of self that we find uncomfortable, shameful, undesirable, irritable, reactive. This includes restricted beliefs one has about self, including both core beliefs from childhood and accumulated limiting beliefs during teen years and adulthood.

We must also look to unconscious neurodevelopmental patterns, early childhood nervous system attunement and ones attachment. We must undergo timeline regression, delving into childhood dynamics. Why? This is when and how the shadow within is conditioned and wired in. As children, we learn how to receive love and acceptance. According to Jung and many Neuroscientists, receiving love it is what drives most of our behaviours. We believe as children. we cannot survive without love and will die without it. It’s how our brain and nervous system are wired as human beings.

As children we also unconsciously learn mechanisms to shut off undesirable behaviours that cut off love and affection from our caregivers. In other words, we hide certain parts of ourself and learn that we cannot be fully authentic in our ways of self expression. We shape ourselves like clay so we do not experience rejection and abandonment. During this process of early development, we also have to adopt and adapt to our parents/caregivers beliefs, values, norms and behaviours. This then is further enhanced and ‘hardwired’ in through engaging with the external world through friendships, partners, through career and social groups. We literally keep adjusting and adapting to what is externally expected and accepted from us, as a means of approval, acceptance, and validation. As humans, our fear of abandonment and rejection far outweighs our need for authenticity. We keep hiding who we are and supress parts of ourselves further into the unconscious shadow part of the psyche. And the interesting thing is. we do this mostly without even knowing it!! But…. the shadow ego never sleeps and the more our lives progress, the louder its knocks on the door!

In a nutshell… your shadow is the wounded part of self that has been created from fear. It is every experience that created hurt within you, and shaped your nervous system to believe ‘I’m not safe’. It includes the painful experiences that you never fully processed and repressed/suppressed into your unconscious as a way to protect and self preserve. The results are dysfunctional behaviours, unhealthy attachment styles, various limiting beliefs, and a dysregulated nervous system, for which ego is in charge. They however are ALL protection mechanisms that we had to develop as children to gain love and approval and avoid pain. But inevitably as adults, they are the very REASON we experience deep PAIN, especially in romantic relationships. Being in love is a perfect beautiful way we project our shadows in their entirety.

2) Identifying Triggers

Observe what and who triggers harmful or painful feelings deep within. This includes fear, anxiousness, sadness, upset, irritability, frustration, shame, judgement. Identify where this is felt in the body, connecting to sensations, interception, proprioception. You can read a blog on emotional triggers here.

3) Dual Activation of the Unconscious Masked Self and Conscious Higher Self

Allow the unconscious mind and nervous system to express itself through various means in the external reality. This creates a dialogue and interplay between the conscious and unconscious, where one will find self in a dual space of lower and higher awareness. This is a slow process, dependant on one’s immediate level of consciousness, what work they have employed in the past, the magnitude of past traumas, the capacity of their nervous system. 

 4) Integrate the Shadow

Integration happens in the body, within each cell in your entire body. Neuroplasticity enables new neural connections to form and develop, as old synapses have been pruned away at. In this space, we are able to accept the shadow as part of self. Acceptance reduces the shadows power and electrical charge. This naturally happens through neuroplasticity programming as new pathways are formed to wire higher awareness. 

 5) Engage with Anima and Animus Archetypes

We are all a blend of masculine (XY) and feminine (XX). Anima = our feminine aspect. Animus = our masculine aspect.

Engaging with one’s inner masculine / feminine aspects of self will help one to balance the inner psyche and find emotional regulation. It will help to realign the nervous system, drawing it out of survival and/or stressful responses, which holds masculine energy. 

6) Individuation

This is a state of wholeness and coherence where the conscious and unconscious reach unity. Vagal Regulation and Integration is complete. The brain-gut highway is in coherence. We are self aware. Our intuition is active. We are connected to sensations in the body. We listen to our feelings.

The pathway to wholeness as a human being, to become ‘complete’, is to face the dark shadows within and bring them into the light of consciousness. Through consciousness we can navigate through live with more experiences of joy and flow, engaging in more fulfilling and meaningful relationships. From here are able to access our full potential as a balanced human.

We have more capacity as a whole. We become self-aware as well as conscious (of life, of the universe, of others, of the world around us), and in touch with our true Self. From here we operate from our higher self rather than staying stuck in our wounded, child self.